Divorced Parents and Wedding Drama

My parents had a seemingly great marriage when I was a child growing up.

Little did I know until I turned 13 that there were skeletons in the closet consisting of 2 affairs (or more), 2 miscarriages, and a loveless relationship.

Yikes!

They stayed together for us kids... all 5 of us... and I am utterly grateful for that because I had a great time growing up with my family altogether. However now that I am older, have all the facts, and know a thing or two about relationships... it really wasn't the best thing and I don't recommend it.

So now for the past 5 or so years since they separated, we have had some family drama... no... A LOT of family drama. Who do I send the therapy bills to?

I found out that my mother had been telling my other siblings how she wasn't going to attend my impending graduation, engagement party, or even the wedding.

You can imagine how riled this had me, so I confronted her. And was shocked when she didn't even deny it.

I need to state that there is a lot more background to this mother-daughter relationship that ain't so pretty... but it would take me a few novels to get through it all.

Here is the topic: Divorced parents and the drama they bring to weddings.

Here is the question: How to deal with this. Anyone?...Anyone at all have the solution? No...? Great.

Well this is what I am going with:

1. Band all the brothers, sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, dogs, cats, God, whoever, together and get their help to talk to your parents. In my case my father is completely fine, it is my mother causing my distress so she is the target. I am hoping my siblings will be able to give advice to her that will make her realise the importance of these occasions, and the regret she will have if she misses out. After all you only get one life.

2. Try not to stress over it. If a parent is doing this to you, then it is more than likely you kind of knew this was a possibility, and it is true to their unfortunate character to be so horrid. They are the ones making themselves look bad to everyone else, and yes it may be embarrassing to have everyone around you ask where the parent is... but the main thing is that this day is all about YOU and no one, NO ONE, should take that away. They are in the wrong.

3. Find someone to replace them that you can count on and will only bring joy to you, especially on the big day. For me this is my sister. She practically is my mother, and is in fact 12 years older than me. She is my rock. The one I turn to for any and all advice. She is extremely intelligent, and I always have so much fun with her. She is who I will be leaning on for support, and looking to on the day. She is even my Maid of Honor. I always focus on how lucky I am to have her in my life.


Has this happened to you? Please share you story, experiences, and any advice!

If you are going through the same thing that I am, I am so sorry and wish you strength.

When Does Sharing Become Bragging?

I have a friend who loves talking about herself.

I don't even think she realises it, or at least doesn't have that intention.

But in saying that I do think she tries to make herself sound or be better than others.


I enjoy hearing about what is going on in her life, and of course want to support her and be excited with her... but it is getting harder when every week there is a new guy that is the love of her life, who she sleeps with straight away, and doesn't understand why they all of a sudden disappear...

Which is a lie... because I flat out tell her, and warn her, and give her advice on how to prevent that. But still this vicious circle continues. Honestly I think she actually enjoys the drama, and victimising herself because then it is the guy's fault and not hers.

Because we are in the same or similar career, she also enjoys telling me about all her new job opportunities and has even laughed and said to me how she will finish her uni degree before me and get all the jobs... yep.

She is the one up friend.

Here are some thoughts and tips on the difference between sharing and boasting.


Being a Good Sharer:
- you pride yourself in being a good listener
- you ask how the other person is first
- you remember details of their life and bring it up, for example 'How did that big presentation at work go?'
- you listen to their stories as much as you tell them your stories
- you use words or sentences such as, 'Wow that is great news!' 'You must be so proud of yourself!' 'How exciting'
- you are actually interested in what the other person has to say
- you are respectful to the other person
- you don't talk negatively about others to make yourself sound better


When Sharing Becomes Bragging:
- you only talk about yourself and/or share your stories
- you do not listen to the other person's stories, or pay attention when they do
- you frequently forget what is going on in their life
- your response to all this is 'but they don't like talking about themselves'... Really? And you know this because you live inside their head?
- you enjoy competition, but it includes the kind where you think you are better than everyone else
- you get jealous when the other person has success
- you try to one up the other person's story of success by fabricating or exaggerating yours


Of course we should all be proud of our successes, but we also should celebrate others.

We are social creatures and love talking about ourselves and what is going on in our lives, but just be mindful that you are engaging in an equal relationship.

Remember, friendship is a two way street, it should not be one way.

Comment below your thoughts and experiences with this.