I hadn't yet asked my two best friends to be my flower women. We had decided to have our siblings be in the bridal party and we didn't want it to be too huge. 10 people including us was enough!
I came up with what I thought (and still think) was a really sweet way to still incorporate my friends so they felt they were still a big part of this special time. And ofcourse I wanted to ask them in a special way. This idea involved the irony of giving them flowers, accompanied by a poem I wrote (you can read this in my previous post).
Yesterday afternoon I went around to Friend 1's house to give her the flowers in person and ofcourse see her reaction and get all excited and girly with her. She was suprised and confused I was giving her flowers but still smiled as she read the poem. Then she briefly said yes and gave me a quick hug. Then made a comment about how funny it would be if she said no and we had a little joke about that (along the way I too was thinking how awkward if someone said no) and then she made a comment about how she's everyone's bridesmaid and oh how busy am I, all still joking around.
I thought it was odd she used the word bridesmaid and then was worried she was confused about what I had just asked her (even though it was written very clearly 'flower woman').
To avoid any awkwardness I tried to steer the topic into being positive and mentioned it was her and my other friend who would be my flower women because I still wanted them involved, and oh yay how cute you get to walk down the aisle with my little nephew. In saying this I thought I would get the excited reaction I was anticipating.
She didn't respond.
And for the next minute she was completely poker faced, monotoned, and said nothing. Didn't ask me any questions. (Also up to this point she never made any effort to ask about how I was going with everything, had I asked my sister to be MOH, or just anything in general you would think a best friend would ask when there's planning for a wedding. This is also a 'friend' who has been calling me to rant about how she's not engaged and everyone else is... and also made the comment 'oh everyone gets engaged on Valentines' trying to make mine seem less important).
And that was it.
She just brushed it all off, including me, and rushed out the door to go to work. I had planned to have some time before she had to leave so I knew this was odd and out of character for her.
I immediately called my fiancée and explained what had happened and how it was very odd, weird and just didn't seem right. I was really disappointed she wasn't excited (because I was!), nor did she recognise the effort I put in to 1. Ask her, and 2. Include her!
A few minutes passed and I got a text message.
'So I'm not a bridesmaid'
....
Because these are my reactions, I have chosen to ignore it whilst I sort through my emotions and try to get some clarity. It's hard to explain how I'm feeling as I'm sure some of you may be taking this differently, but this is the 'straw that broke the camels back' and it's really making me rethink the entire friendship. Because I have not been happy in this relationship for quite some time now.
Please feel free to leave comments, suggestions, ideas, etc.
I have a lot of thinking to do...
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